Just So You Know, If You Message Me, I Don’t Check Messages

Image Credit, Alberto Adán

Ladies, let’s have a heart-to-heart about the online dating profile essentials—specifically, what NOT to put in your profile. Picture this: you’re actively seeking a man for a relationship, but you’ve also decided to include a little nugget of wisdom that goes something like this: “If you message me, I’m likely not going to respond for a long time because I’m not checking my messages.” I mean, WTF? Why are you on the dating app then? That’s like opening a restaurant and announcing, “Our food is amazing, but we’re probably never going to serve it to you.”

There’s a magical thing called notifications. Turn them on. Otherwise, you’re the digital equivalent of a ghost town with WiFi—no one’s home, but the lights are on. If you’re not planning to respond to potential matches, it’s time to ask yourself why you’re even there. It’s such an oxymoron, like calling yourself an online dater but behaving like a digital hermit.

This is the same kind of logic as saying, “I’m a fitness enthusiast who never works out.” Or how about, “I’m a gourmet chef who lives exclusively on ramen noodles.” Better yet, imagine declaring, “I’m a passionate traveler who hates leaving my couch.” The contradictions are mind-boggling, much like the complexity of IKEA furniture instructions, but without the satisfaction of a built bookshelf at the end.

And ladies, let’s not forget about the classics like, “I love deep conversations but hate talking to people.” That’s essentially the manifesto of the “message me but don’t expect a reply” crowd. Or the ever-popular, “I’m a hopeless romantic who believes in love at first sight, but I’m currently blindfolded and refusing to look.”

Your profile should be a beacon of availability, not a labyrinth of mixed signals. If you’re here to find love, don’t act like you’re training for the Dating Olympics but refusing to leave the locker room. Remember, it’s not just about casting a net wide, but actually pulling it in to see what you’ve caught. Because, let’s face it, having an online dating profile and not checking your messages is like having a party and not inviting yourself.

So, next time you log in, be present, be responsive, and please, for the love of all things romantic, turn on those notifications. Let’s leave the oxymorons to the English class and keep the dating profiles straightforward and full of actual potential. Happy swiping!