The World’s Most Expensive First Date

Ladies, today’s dating app tip comes from one of the more ambitious profile requirements currently floating around the internet. You have probably seen some version of it before. It usually goes something like this: “If you’re buying drinks for me, you’re buying drinks for my friends too.” Sometimes it goes even further and explains that doing so will increase a man’s chances of being liked. While the honesty is admirable, the message can have an unintended effect on the men reading it.

The average guy opens a dating app expecting to meet one person. He spends twenty minutes trying to write a message that sounds funny, confident, intelligent, and not completely ridiculous. What he does not expect is to discover that his first date has somehow expanded into a group package with six additional attendees and a beverage budget that rivals a small wedding reception.

Picture the scene for a moment. A man arrives expecting a casual drink and some conversation. Instead, he is introduced to your best friend, your other best friend, your cousin, your work friend, and one mysterious woman named Kiki who appears to have ordered appetizers before he even sat down. At that moment, he is no longer on a date. He has become the evening’s corporate sponsor.

The funniest part is the suggestion that buying drinks for an entire friend group somehow increases the odds of romantic success. Men tend to view this with the same confusion they reserve for gym memberships and extended vehicle warranties. They understand the concept, but they are not entirely convinced the math works in their favour.

After all, if a man buys drinks for six people, pays the bill, remains charming throughout the evening, and still only receives a “maybe,” he may begin to suspect that he is participating in a competitive funding application rather than a first date.

One can only imagine the review process afterward. The friends gather around a table, compare notes, discuss his performance, and evaluate whether his beverage contributions demonstrated sufficient boyfriend potential. Somewhere in the background, a chairperson calls the meeting to order while another friend prepares a presentation outlining his strengths and weaknesses. Meanwhile, the poor guy is sitting at home trying to determine whether he went on a date or accidentally sponsored a social event.

To be fair, there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting friends nearby for safety. Most people would agree that meeting strangers online requires common sense and caution. The comedy begins when safety quietly transforms into a requirement that a complete stranger finance an entire evening for people he has never met.

Most men are perfectly happy to buy a woman a drink. Many are happy to buy dinner. Some are even happy to impress a date with a thoughtful evening out. What tends to catch them off guard is discovering that the first step toward romance apparently involves funding a gathering large enough to qualify for group rates.

So, if your dating profile currently includes the phrase, “If you’re buying drinks for me, you’re buying drinks for my friends too,” just remember that somewhere out there a man is reading those words, checking his bank account, and wondering whether he was searching for a girlfriend or applying to become the official beverage supplier for an entire friend group.

Dating is supposed to be about chemistry, conversation, and getting to know one another. If the spark is there, wonderful things can happen. If the spark is not there, at least nobody had to explain to their financial advisor why a first date suddenly became their largest entertainment expense of the month.