Your Age Says 39, But Your Vibes Say Bingo Night

Image Credit: Varun Anand

Ladies, we need to talk. And I say this with love and laughter in my heart… but also the honesty of a bestie who will tell you if you’ve got spinach in your teeth.

If your dating profile says you’re 35 or 40, but you show up looking like you’ve got Werther’s Originals in every coat pocket and remember when gas was 49 cents — we got a situation.

Yes, yes, we age differently. Black don’t crack, melanin is magic, and moisturizer is a blessing from above. But there’s aging gracefully, and then there’s aging graciously, which includes not pretending your birth year started with a 9 when it clearly began with a 6.

Let’s break this down with some analogies:

Pretending you’re 39 when you’re clearly 59 is like:

• Listing your 2001 Toyota Corolla on Marketplace as “brand new Tesla.”
• Showing up to a job interview for ‘recent college grad’ with an AARP card falling out your handbag.
• Calling yourself a “millennial” but your knees sound like popcorn every time you sit down.
• Claiming to be 35 while your grandkids are on TikTok making thirst traps.

We get it. Dating is hard. The streets are cold. But shaving off 15 years won’t warm them up — it’ll just leave your date feeling like they got Catfished by a time traveler.

And besides, age is sexy when you own it. There’s nothing wrong with being 50, fabulous, and fully aware that the “Boys 2 Men” concert wasn’t your mom’s music — it was yours. Wear that badge of life experience with pride! You survived dial-up internet, bad perms, and your first love who drove a Pontiac Sunfire. That’s elite era energy.

So here’s the tip:
Be real. Be funny. Be fierce. If you’re a vintage bottle, don’t slap on a “freshly bottled last week” label. That just confuses the sommelier.

Because the truth is, there’s someone out there who will love you for the you you are — not the year you wish you still were.

Now go out there, update that profile, and maybe add a line like:
“I’m not 39, I’m 39 + tax and tips. Seasoned to perfection.”
And let the right ones come to you.

P.S. If your grandchild set up your profile — that’s your sign to adjust the age filter.