When He Says ‘Not You,’ Believe Him and Order Fries

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Dating apps are basically Costco for people’s love lives. You walk in, you’re overwhelmed, you don’t know where to start, and someone always ends up leaving with a sample they didn’t even ask for. And here’s the truth: there are tons of women out there looking for casual non-monogamous dating. Like, tons. Whole aisles of them. But most guys? Most guys are out here trying to land a non-monogamous relationship. You know, the oxymoron that makes absolutely no sense until you realize it’s just “girlfriend with a hall pass.”

Now, when a guy says he doesn’t want that with you—ding ding ding—that’s your sign. That’s not a tragedy, that’s clarity. He’s basically announcing, “You’re not the Beyoncé to my Jay-Z… you’re more like that one backup dancer I text sometimes when I’m bored.” And listen, that’s not a personal attack. That’s not shade. That’s just the algorithm of life working in your favor. Because if a man can look you dead in the eye and say, “Nah, I’m not feeling it,” girl, that is a gift. You just saved yourself three months of wondering why he only texts you after 11 p.m. and never tags you in anything.

The problem is, a lot of women hear that and think: Oh no, I wasn’t good enough, what’s wrong with me? Let me stop you right there. There is nothing wrong with you. You’re just not his cup of tea. Maybe you’re a vanilla latte with oat milk and he’s out here looking for a triple-shot espresso with a splash of chaos. That’s not your fault. That’s just taste. And you don’t beg someone to like your flavor—you let them choke on the coffee they ordered and keep walking.

Here’s the funny part: when a guy does find his non-monogamous person, he acts like he’s discovered the cure for loneliness. He’ll announce it proudly, like, “Yes, I have found my partner in crime, my forever… or, at least, my forever-until-we-both-get-bored.” And honestly? That’s kind of sweet. Because in his head, this is his epic love story. In reality? It’s season one of a Netflix show that probably won’t get renewed. But let him live.

Now, let’s be crystal clear. When he tells you, “Hey, I’m not interested in this with you,” what you don’t do is spiral into detective mode. You don’t reread your last 47 messages like they’re ancient scrolls from the Dead Sea, trying to find out where you went wrong. You don’t call your best friend crying, “But he used an exclamation mark once! Doesn’t that mean he cared?” No. What you do is hit him with the most powerful, soul-crushing response of all time: “Okay, cool. Good luck with that.”

That’s it. Curtain closed. Scene over. Do you know how powerful that is? That man is not going to lose feelings because you bowed out. Men don’t lose feelings like that—they lose feelings when the Wi-Fi cuts out in the middle of a game. He will not spend the night crying into his pillow because you said, “Alright, bye.” In fact, he’ll probably admire your exit game. Meanwhile, you’re free to swipe again, possibly onto someone who thinks you’re exactly what they’ve been looking for.

So here’s the takeaway: when a guy tells you he doesn’t want a non-monogamous relationship with you, don’t treat it like a funeral. Treat it like an Uber driver canceling on you—you just saved yourself from getting in the wrong car. Another ride is coming. One that’s going exactly where you want to go.

Keep it funny, keep it moving, and remember: you are not auditioning for the role of “almost girlfriend.” You’re the damn main character. If he can’t see that, then let him go be an extra in somebody else’s storyline.