“The Mom Body Chronicles”

Image credit: Geralt

Ladies, we need to have a real conversation about that line that keeps popping up on dating profiles:

“I’ve got a mom body.”

Translation: “I haven’t met a treadmill since the Obama administration.”

Now before anyone throws a diaper bag at me, relax. We get it. You created an entire human being, maybe a few of them. You deserve a parade, a spa week, and possibly a lifetime supply of caffeine. You are powerful, resilient, and a walking miracle.

But let’s not pretend “mom body” automatically means “I’ve retired from movement forever.” Because there are moms out there who’ve had a small soccer team of kids and still look like they just left a Lululemon photo shoot. I’m talking about women who do squats while packing school lunches, who jog behind their kids’ bikes, and who have abs that make other abs jealous.

Meanwhile, some of you are out here saying, “I’ve got a mom body,” when what you really mean is, “I’ve got a long-term commitment to takeout and my yoga mat is emotionally unavailable.”

And that’s fine! Be real about it. Say something like:

• “My cardio is trying on jeans after Taco Tuesday.”
• “I lift… my emotional baggage.”
• “Running? Only from responsibilities.”

Honesty is always more attractive than excuses. Nobody’s judging you for not being a gym rat. Just don’t blame the kids for what Ben & Jerry really did.

Because “mom body” isn’t a medical condition — it’s often just a lifestyle choice. Somewhere between school drop-off, laundry mountain, and pretending to fold clothes while watching Netflix, there’s a 20-minute window where you could do a few squats. Instead, many of us choose snacks and scrolling. We’ve all been there.

The truth is, men don’t care nearly as much about your size as you think. What they care about is your confidence. Do you own your space? Are you funny? Do you carry yourself like you’re the CEO of “I’ve still got it”? Great. Then you’ve already won.

Just don’t hide behind “mom body” like it’s a witness protection alias. That phrase has become less of a description and more of an excuse with a side of denial.

So next time you update your dating profile, skip the “I’ve got a mom body” line and go with something more authentic:

“I’m a masterpiece under construction—heavy on the snacks, light on the squats.”

Now that’s honesty. And that, more than any workout plan, is what makes you irresistible.