The Good Guys Are Not Here to Save You — And That’s Exactly Why You’ll Be Fine

Iamge Credit:
StockSnap

There comes a moment in a woman’s life—usually somewhere between the “my kids are finally grown” era and the “I refuse to die alone with a cat that doesn’t even like me” realization—when she re-enters the dating world with a vengeance. You’ve healed, you’ve worked on yourself, you’ve bought a weighted blanket, maybe even a houseplant or two that are still alive. And now you’re ready.
Or so you tell yourself as you download a dating app and immediately regret it.

Dating apps, for better or worse, have become the modern equivalent of walking into a large warehouse labeled “MEN: SOME ASSEMBLY REQUIRED.” You scroll, you swipe, you hope. And then—there he is. A man who looks stable, kind, possibly emotionally literate, and most importantly, like someone your aunt would describe as “a good catch.” You picture him at your family BBQ holding a plate of ribs and offering to fix your fence. You imagine Sundays spent buying throw pillows. You give him hobbies he never said he had. You decide he’s husband material before he has even said hello.

But then the plot twist arrives.
He messages you back.
And he says the words no woman wants to hear after she’s already mentally planned the joint Costco membership:

“I’m not looking for anything serious.”

And suddenly your brain short-circuits.
Not serious?
Not SERIOUS?

You begin scrolling his pictures again, convinced you missed something. Maybe he meant “not serious about astrology” or “not serious about kombucha.” Maybe it was autocorrect. Maybe he panicked. Maybe he’s shy. Maybe he’s emotionally wounded and you, with your years of experience and your calming collection of lavender candles, can fix him.

No.
Stop.
Right there.
This is not a group assignment. This is dating.

If a man says he doesn’t want a relationship, believe him. Do not translate it. Do not romanticize it. Do not turn it into a side quest where you prove to him that love can conquer all as long as you do enough emotional labour and bring him soup when he has a cold.

Because here is the truth:
He’s not wrong.
He’s not the villain.
He’s not the bad guy in the rom-com.
He’s just… a man who does not want what you want.

And you cannot, under any circumstances, be upset with someone for not wanting the same outcome you do. That’s literally why profiles have sections where you list your preferences: “Looking for a committed relationship,” “Ready to settle down,” “Seeking partner in crime—metaphorical crime, not actual crime.” You put that there so people know what page you’re on. When someone tells you they’re on a different page, that’s not rejection. That’s clarity.

Yet, somehow, many women treat this moment like a betrayal. As if the man had been knighted with the sacred duty of fulfilling her long-term relationship prophecy. As if he owed her emotional availability simply because he was tall, or smiled in his photos, or looked like he could assemble IKEA furniture without crying.

And this is where TakeAdviceForWomen must speak the uncomfortable truth with love:

The good guys are not here to save you.
Not from loneliness.
Not from boredom.
Not from your list of unfinished emotional business.

The good guys—just like the mediocre guys and the questionable-at-best guys—are only responsible for their own wants. They do not exist to rescue, repair, or rebuild your life. They are not emotional furniture movers. They are not life coaches on retainer. They are not therapists who will listen as you explain how your last relationship “took ten years off your life.”

Dating someone does not grant you the right to download your entire psychological Dropbox onto them. Nor can you force a commitment out of a man the way you force a ketchup bottle to cooperate.

So when you meet someone who says they’re not looking for a long-term relationship, here is the only correct response:

“Thank you for telling me. I’m looking for something different. Take care.”

That’s it. No speeches. No guilt. No negotiating. No TED Talk-length DMs. And absolutely no trying to convince him that he will “change his mind once he sees how amazing you are.” This is dating, not a hostage situation.

What you want—and what you deserve—is someone whose desires line up with yours from the start. Someone who is investing in the same future you are. Someone who reads your profile, sees your wants, and says, “Yes, that’s me too.”

So if a man tells you he doesn’t want commitment, don’t argue. Don’t chase. Don’t spiral. Don’t create a conspiracy theory. Just move on. Swipe again. Reset the expectation. Laugh at the absurdity of modern romance. And remember:

You don’t need saving.
You need alignment.
You need honesty.
And most of all, you need someone who actually wants to show up.

Because the right man will not make you guess.
He won’t leave you confused.
He won’t send mixed signals.
He won’t breadcrumb you into emotional malnutrition.

And he definitely will not announce on day one that he wants something casual while hoping you’ll magically be fine with long-term uncertainty.

Dating apps are chaotic, hilarious, exhausting, sometimes tragic, often ridiculous—but they work when you listen. When you take people at face value. When you stop trying to turn every maybe into a forever.

So repeat this mantra the next time you’re tempted to argue with someone else’s truth:

“I respect what you want, but I want something different.”

And then keep swiping.
Your match is out there—hopefully holding a dog, wearing a reasonable shirt, and actually wanting the same life you do.

Until then, TakeAdviceForWomen:
Stop expecting men to save you.
Stop expecting them to change for you.
And stop treating honesty as rejection.

Sometimes the greatest gift a man can give you is the truth—and the freedom to walk toward someone who wants you just as much as you want him.