Swipe Left on Sanity: When Being a Good Communicator Gets You Ghosted

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Alright, brace yourself, because we’re about to enter the Twilight Zone of modern dating logic—a magical realm where if a man texts you back too quickly, it’s not sweet, it’s suspicious. Yes, apparently, if he answers your message right away, it means he’s not busy, not grinding, not building a six-figure empire in the woods with a hammer and a dream. No, ma’am. A prompt response means he’s a broke, jobless wizard with too much free time and probably snacks for dinner.

Let that marinate like a gas station hot dog.

So now, women are out here canceling dudes for having the audacity—the nerve—to be emotionally available in real time. Text back too fast? Red flag. Answer the phone when she calls? Serial killer vibes. Wanting to talk to you? That’s code for “he lives in his aunt’s basement making anime reaction videos and hasn’t showered since the pandemic started.”

Somewhere, a dude just said “good morning” within 30 seconds and got instantly unmatched because obviously, that’s not a man with ambition. That’s a man with WiFi and too many feelings.

Meanwhile, women say they want a man who communicates, who shows up, who cares. But if he shows up too fast? “Ew, why isn’t he working? Why doesn’t he have a yacht meeting in Dubai?” Girl, what? You want him to be successful, spiritual, emotionally intelligent, AND unable to answer your text before sunset on the third day like some biblical prophecy?

We’ve officially reached the level of dating where if a man is respectful, responsive, and present, he’s immediately suspected of being unemployed, needy, or worse—available. The horror!

Imagine this man: he’s at work, he sees your text, he smiles. He replies. Immediately. He’s thinking, “Let me show her I’m reliable and interested.” Meanwhile, you’re over there like, “Ew. That was fast. This man clearly has no stocks. No real estate. Probably no glutes either.”

It’s gotten so bad that modern chivalry is now defined as “Ignore her for 6 hours, then send a ‘sup’ text and gaslight her into thinking she was clingy for hoping for a reply.”

And the truly unhinged part? If he doesn’t reply quickly, suddenly he’s playing games, emotionally distant, a walking red flag, probably in an underground situationship pyramid scheme with six other women and a parrot named Brenda.

So basically, if he texts too fast: loser.
If he texts too slow: player.
If he texts just right: manipulator who studied “Goldilocks Communication Theory” to emotionally trap you.

At this point, the ideal man is a mystical woodland creature who only texts by smoke signal during solar flares. He’s building a tech startup with one hand, rescuing orphans with the other, and never answers you back—because he respects himself. And that, ladies, is the new sexy: emotionally unavailable with a strong signal and zero intention of using it.

So next time a man texts you back fast, don’t scream “ick!” Just scream, “Wow, a responsive adult who knows how to operate a phone and likes me enough to act like it.” Revolutionary.

But no, go ahead. Keep chasing that dream of a man who ghosted you for 48 hours and calls it “grindset.” Because nothing says future husband like a man who treats communication like a side quest in a video game he might get to eventually… if the WiFi comes back.

Lord help us all.