Men Don’t Peel Onions, They Swipe Left

Image Credit: Engin Akyurt

Ladies, listen up. Online dating is not group therapy, and men are not volunteering as your unpaid emotional interns. They’re not here with a clipboard saying, “Tell me more about how your ex ruined your trust in 2004.” Nope. They’re here to vibe, laugh, hook up and maybe fall in love—and hopefully before their Uber Eats delivery arrives.

Here’s the ugly truth: when you’re an older woman on a dating app, you are not a delicate snowflake in a field of roses. You are a profile picture in an endless human vending machine. Swipe, swipe, swipe. And if you think a guy is going to spend six months gently peeling back your layers like a therapy onion, think again. He’s not making French onion soup—he’s hitting “next” faster than you can say “I’m not ready yet.”

Rip. Off. The. Band-Aid. Whatever your ex did, whatever emotional baggage you’ve got packed tighter than a Spirit Airlines carry-on—leave it at baggage claim. Men do not want to pay your excess luggage fees. They didn’t sign up for CSI: Why She’s Still Guarded.

These apps move at the speed of a caffeine-addicted squirrel. If you take three weeks to reply, he’s already gone, married, divorced, and back on Tinder again. Think fast, act faster, and for the love of Wi-Fi, stop treating a “hey” like it’s a marriage proposal you need to meditate on for six weeks.

Here’s reality: men don’t want to chase you across 14 emotional obstacle courses. They don’t want a scavenger hunt where the grand prize is “maybe I’ll trust you by next summer.” They just want to know if you vibe, if you laugh at their memes, and if you actually want to meet up in real life before the next presidential election.

So, ladies, get with the program. Show up, flirt back, and remember—men aren’t your therapists, they’re your potential partners. Love is free, but patience on a dating app? Baby, that stuff is rarer than a man who actually reads your profile bio.