Nothing kills attraction faster than the smell of effort. When you appear to be trying to impress, you’ve already lost; people can smell your desperation, which most job seekers show signs of.
Rare is the job seeker who controls their emotions and whose actions appear fluid. The Italians call it sprezzatura, the art of making “the difficult” seem effortless.
In his 1528 work The Book of the Courtier, Renaissance author Baldassare Castiglione described sprezzatura as “a certain nonchalance, so as to conceal all art and make whatever one does or says appear to be without effort and almost without any thought about it”.
Essentially, sprezzatura is the art of “studied carelessness,” making difficult actions look effortless. Worth noting: with consistent practice and patience, any art can be learned and even mastered.
Sprezzatura practitioners maintain a relaxed style that seems unintentional, never revealing the effort behind their actions. When you display “struggle,” such as complaining about your job search on LinkedIn or criticizing how employers hire for their business, you publicly display that you can’t manage your emotions, which diminishes your status.
Remaining silent is better than saying or writing something that could negatively reflect on you, particularly with employers. Moreover, a nonchalant attitude—it’ll be what it’ll be—is much more appealing than desperate action or the display of frustration and anger.
Not to undermine Castiglione, the first step in applying the art of sprezzatura to your job search is to adopt a not-giving-a-f*ck attitude, a mindset that’s critical to confidence and, in the context of job searching, reduces anxiety and helps you cope with the frustrations of job searching, such as ghosting, long hiring processes, rejection, and months of silence.
Those you admire and respect are likely individuals who embody a not-giving-a-f*ck attitude. Caring less about external validation, trivial opinions, critics, haters, and uncontrollable outcomes, such as whether you’re ghosted, receive feedback, or get hired, frees up much-needed mental energy for self-trust (read: increase your confidence). Ultimately, not caring about what’s out of your control, which is the majority of your job search, allows you to concentrate on what you can control: your actions.
A job seeker who exhibits sprezzatura makes a strong first impression. Rather than appearing overly anxious or desperate, their nonchalant demeanour conveys self-assurance—a sense of calm control—a trait valued by employers. They approach networking, undeniably the most effective job search strategy, and interviews with a poised attitude.
As I mentioned, any art can be learned and even mastered, including sprezzatura.
1. Stop being emotionally attached.
I know this’ll come across as a cliché; however, having spent decades navigating the corporate world, experiencing different workplaces more than most, I can confidently say that business is never personal. It took me years to realize that being emotionally attached to my work wasn’t benefiting my well-being, and that I needed to detach myself from outcomes. In other words, do my best work, put it out there, and let the chips fall where they may (read: f*ck it).
When job hunting, view applications as a numbers game rather than a measure of your self-worth. While submitting quality applications to jobs that align with your skills and experience is important, don’t let perfectionism get in the way; ignore the “perfect candidate” narrative. The most effective way to capture an employer’s attention is to hyper-focus on your resume and LinkedIn, highlighting how you contributed to your previous employer’s profitability.
2. Stop drowning in execution.
Avoid spending time tailoring your resume for every application. Instead, craft a single, impactful resume that highlights the value you delivered to previous employers, which is what employers look for when assessing candidates. The same applies to your cover letter, which you should always include. Write one cover letter that can be easily personalized with a few quick edits, that provides the reader with compelling reasons why you’re the perfect fit for the job and why they should read your resume.
3. Stop over-preparing for initial screening calls.
Treat first-round interviews as conversations to determine whether the opportunity is one you want to pursue. Shifting from a “please pick me” energy to a “is this a fit for me?” approach levels the playing field and helps you spot red flags before you’re in too deep.
4. Stop expecting.
Expectations are just scripts you’ve written for others to follow, a recipe for frustration and anger, since many people don’t read their lines. Stop “expecting,” and you’ll start releasing the tension that comes from waiting for others to meet your expectations.
Employers don’t owe job seekers, who freely participated in their hiring process, anything. Commenting on LinkedIn that employers need to “do better” doesn’t change anything. While it would be nice not to be ghosted, social norms have shifted. Ghosting is now common in and outside the workplace. As for feedback, our litigious society has made giving it a liability concern.
A not-giving-a-f*ck attitude coupled with “zero-expectations“ is the foundation for cultivating sprezzatura, the most powerful, liberating, and empowering mental shift you adopt as a job seeker, which’ll keep you moving with little mental friction from one opportunity to the next until you hear “You’re hired!”
About The Author
