God First, Must Love Guns

Image Credit, Jupilu

Ladies, let’s talk online dating profiles. Imagine you’re a guy scrolling through profiles, enjoying a casual evening of swiping, when suddenly you come across a profile that catches your eye. The photo is stunning, the smile is captivating, and then you start reading:

“Super religious, all about God, all about my faith, must love God and must love guns.”

Whoa, talk about a plot twist. One second, he’s picturing a serene date at a coffee shop, and the next, he’s imagining a high-octane Bible study at a shooting range. It’s not every day you find a profile that seamlessly blends Sunday service with target practice, but hey, variety is the spice of life, right?

But before you hit “save” on that bio, let’s have a chat. We get it, faith is a cornerstone of your identity and there’s nothing wrong with that. But combining it with an intense love for firearms might make potential dates wonder if they’re signing up for a romantic evening or basic training. Unless you’re explicitly looking for someone who enjoys midnight gun disassembly sessions, it might be worth considering a softer approach.

Take my buddy Dave, for example. He once went on a date with a woman who brought both her Bible and her Beretta to the picnic. He spent the entire afternoon praying he wouldn’t become a holy target practice. Spoiler alert: Dave is now a devout pacifist.

Next up, let’s talk about marital history. You might be tempted to lead with, “This is my third marriage, so I know what I’m looking for.” While experience is a plus, starting with your marital rap sheet can come across like a cautionary tale. It’s like saying, “I’ve seen some things, and I’m not afraid to go there again.” Instead of listing your previous marriages like battle scars, focus on what you’ve learned and what you’re looking forward to in a new relationship.

My cousin Janet made this mistake. Her profile read like a divorce court transcript, and her inbox was flooded with messages from guys offering their condolences rather than asking her out. It’s important to be open about your past, but there’s a fine line between sharing and oversharing.

And then there’s the pièce de résistance: “Must love God and preferably have your own 9mm.” Is this a date or a duel at high noon? Combining your spiritual devotion with a detailed list of firearm preferences might attract a very specific kind of person. Unless you’re seeking a church-going gunslinger, you might want to separate your love for the Lord from your love for loading magazines.

There’s a local legend in my hometown about a woman named Mary who brought her Glock to a first date and asked the guy to disassemble it as a compatibility test. There was no second date, but the guy did become a licensed gunsmith, so at least someone found their calling.

In the grand scheme of things, the goal is to attract potential partners, not scare them off with your collection of holy hand grenades. Keep it light, fun, and a little mysterious. The right person will appreciate your faith and your hobbies without feeling like they need to pass a firearms safety course first.

Happy dating, and remember, there’s someone out there who will love you for you – just maybe ease them into the whole God-and-guns thing.