Dear Employers, Potlucks: Why Must We Conduct Social Experiments on Digestive Resilience?

Image Credit, Gor Davtyan

It’s time to address the simmering cauldron of chaos that is the workplace potluck. Picture this: a table laden with homemade delights, each dish more dubious than the last. It’s a culinary circus, and we’re all just hoping to make it out alive.

Let’s start with the hygiene horror show. We’ve all witnessed the Great Bathroom Handwashing Debacle – where people miraculously forget basic sanitation practices. If they’re skipping this crucial step at work, who knows what kind of microbial mischief they’re brewing in their home kitchens?

Cultural cuisine clashes add an extra layer of spice to the potluck potpourri. From mystery meats to exotic delicacies, it’s like a gastronomic game of Russian roulette. Will you be the lucky winner of a delicious dish, or will you end up with a one-way ticket to the Emergency room?

And then there are the pet parents. Bless their furry hearts, but do we really want Fluffy’s contribution to our communal feast? It’s a risky business letting Rover lick the spoon and then dive back into the cooking pot. Who knew Fido’s saliva could be a secret ingredient?

Let’s not forget the post-potluck fallout. When the inevitable food poisoning strikes, good luck tracing the source of the culinary calamity. One moment you’re nibbling on Diane’s soft and scrumptious cupcakes, and the next you’re calling in sick with a case of mystery E. coli from Barabara’s pickled pig feet. And if that’s not enough, Sally’s award-winning chilli will have you crying between bouts of stomach cramps. Was it worth it for a taste of Grandma’s legendary cookies? You know, the ones that smell like moth balls and slightly taste them.

Instead of playing culinary roulette, why not consider it a safer option? Pool your resources and order from a licensed establishment. Pizza, pasta, sushi – the possibilities are endless, and the risk of gastrointestinal distress is significantly reduced.

So, employers, heed this warning: the office potluck is a recipe for disaster. Let’s put an end to the madness and opt for meals that are properly cooked and safely prepared. Your employees’ stomachs will thank you.

And for those who still crave that communal vibe, I’ve got five on it! Not the kind where we’re contributing to a bag of weed, but five on it where we each chip in $5 for a delicious and safe alternative. Bon appétit, and may the odds be ever in your favour.

Your Intrepid (and Slightly Queasy) Employees