When the Holidays Don’t Feel Merry: It’s Ok to Feel How You Feel

There’s the holiday hustle and bustle, advertisements telling you how to prepare, and Hallmark movies broadcasting a cookie cutter love life with smiling faces. The holidays may carry the weight of longing and nostalgia, or hope and overwhelm. Maybe your house feels empty and devoid of people and decorations or your social calendar is starting to feel too full with all the Christmas parties, family gatherings, and volunteer commitments. The holidays can bring joy, grief, overwhelm, nostalgia, and loneliness all at once. Mixed feelings are normal. Not a sign that something is wrong. 

There’s pressure from society, family, and social media to be cheerful. You can acknowledge the season without forcing yourself to feel a certain way. Let go of the ‘holiday performance’. The holidays can be a time to reflect upon the past year. Hold space for how you’ve experienced this year. Maybe you’ve accomplished your goals, you’ve encountered great loss, or you feel like this year has been at a standstill. Your feelings are valid. It’s okay to feel what you feel. 

Emotional honesty is a form of self-care. Naming your true feelings reduces internal tension. Pretending drains energy. Honesty allows you room to breathe. Name it to tame it. You’re allowed to feel joy, exhaustion and apprehension. Hard moments do pass. You’re allowed to experience them without embracing them or suppressing them. 

You don’t owe anyone constant cheeriness. It is valid to set boundaries around your emotional capacity. Try saying “I’m not up for that today” without guilt. Sometimes ‘no’ is a full sentence. Give yourself permission to rest. Feeling emotional intensity can be tiring. Resting mentally, socially, and physically is not only encouraged, it is healthy. 

Practice simple grounding exercises to help regulate the feelings of being overwhelmed. Breathing exercises, moving your body, taking 5 minutes to yourself away from the noise, and journalling can help you to stay present during a time when it may feel like you’re being pulled in multiple different directions. 

Seek connection that feels safe. Not obligatory. Be around people that are comforting, not draining. Connection should feel supportive. Not performative. Treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion that you would offer someone else going through an emotionally intense holiday season.