Swipe Left on Daycare: Your Dating Profile Isn’t a Baby Album

Ladies, can we talk about baby pictures in your dating profile? Not one. Not two. An entire photo roll of squishy-cheeked infants like you’re auditioning for Teen Mom: The Next Generation. First of all, we get it. You’re subtly—but not so subtly—screaming, “I have kids. It’s a package deal.” And that’s perfectly fine. That’s why the apps have an actual section that says, “Do you have kids?” or “Do you want kids?” That’s where that info belongs—not in a pixelated gallery of random toddlers who may or may not be yours.

But here’s the bigger issue. What if those aren’t your kids? What if you’re just randomly posting photos of your nieces, nephews, or—God help us—Google image babies? That’s not cute, that’s concerning. And let’s just be honest for one second—brace yourself—not all babies are cute. There. It’s out. Some look like tiny retired accountants trying to calculate pension fraud. And now your potential match has to fake enthusiasm for someone else’s offspring before even seeing what you look like. Brutal.

Also, and I can’t believe I even have to say this, but a profile full of babies sends the creepiest message to men. Because now they’re stuck between swiping left or accidentally double-tapping a photo of a two-year-old in overalls and ending up on a watchlist. Not the vibe.

So please, do the world—and your future soulmate—a favor. Show your face. Own your story. Give us one glamour shot, one candid, maybe even a “this-is-me-in-real-life” photo with no filters. And while we’re cleaning house, let’s retire those five blurry photos of a sunset and your Pomeranian in a Halloween costume. You’re trying to find a date, not sell a postcard or open a petting zoo.

In summary: if we wanted to look at random babies and distant landscapes, we’d scroll through our aunt’s Facebook. Give us you, or give us swipe left.